I often choose my battles wisely and in some situations this remains the best strategy. However, in some other situations… I am wondering if the next step in my personal improvement, is to simply … become Uncensored.
What if I wrote of you and spoke to you uncensored?
What if I didn’t worry about who the reader was and what they needed, but instead spoke… what I needed, what I wanted to say?
To the ones who try to manipulate or who are simply rude:
What if I told this story from my perspective with no consideration for your reputation in the eyes of others? What if I told this story with 0% worry about your reaction and what if any clap back you tried in response was met with my IDGAF expression as I turn and close the door?
To those in whom I see withheld greateness:
What if I wrote and spoke a confession about what power I see in you, with no worry about whether or not you’d believe it? If I told you what ways I think you are holding yourself back? What if I stopped worrying about whether or not I’m enough of an expert on these matters and just said it?
To those I connect with romantically
What if I confessed the way I truly feel about you? and it’s not confessions of love necessarily, just the potential I see in “us”? What if I asked the questions I want answered and said fuhget it, don’t worry about if he will respond by backpedaling or if he’ll rush forward with no inhibitions… What if I just asked and said these things that play back in my mind every time we talk and echo loudly with feedback in my eardrums when you’re next to me?
I can’t say for certain if I’ll post these things publicly, but I will write them, at least it’s a step toward unblocking these thoughts.
I am trapped by my own fear of speaking these things freely and aint that a conundrum when you recognize I am an expressive poet who lives with passion, but how much of a lie is that when these most passionate or most fierce of statements are often held back out of fear… fear of how others will possibly misunderstand or not see value in it or … might become distant.
So I say nothing in these situations and feel like I’m the one becoming distant from myself.
and that’s why I will write these uncensored thoughts out and tip toe closer to delivering these messages to those they are addressed.