Journey of a Thousand Dates: When being “good” wasn’t enough

Disclaimer: These stories are not all my own. Guest writers will submit their own dating stories at times. Nevertheless, most of these are my own experiences. I include the stories of others to add broader experience and also to hide my personal stories just a little bit.

Peace.

He had superman tendencies, I’ll be honest. He legit saved someone’s life once right in front of me. He was never one to shy away from any challenge or danger and maybe that’s why I was drawn to him. His critics liked to call him crazy, and in all honesty there’s some truth to that, only problem is, their attacks on his character made no sense.

He would die for his kids. He would die for his family. He’d battle to protect his city state, nation, etc. He lived with that level of passion.

So what went wrong?

Our first “date” was a hike through a small forest. Sweat dripped down my back and I’m a seductress. I know exactly what I am doing to men, and I damn sure knew to pause in front of him and pretend to look at something in the tree tops. I knew his eyes were lingering on the curves that pushed through my soft tights and when the sweat drop slid down the back of my neck, his touch between my shoulders revealed that he was paying close attention.

Yes I knew what I was doing.

I let the shivers out into a sigh. The sigh was genuine but as soon as the breath floated into the steamy air, I knew I had him.

So I backed up one step just enough for my curve to push into the space between his hips and I place my head back a little to fall into his chest. I caught the way his breath skipped a bit. His beautiful rough hands rolled my shoulders and he had me. Yes this was a mutual take over.

As his hands slowed down, I turned slowly to face him, and kissed for the first time. He grabbed me, pulling me up on to this hips, my legs wrapped around him. There in the middle of these trees, the still and heavy air caught our breath….

No we did not have sex.

I hate to disappoint you but sex on a first date ain’t exactly how I roll. But I damn sure know how to start the seduction off immediately.

So again… what went wrong?

The whole time we were dating went just about the same as this experience, but the problem was that he had ZERO trust in women. He was on edge with my male contacts and when someone tried to flirt with me in an inbox, he looked in my phone and overlooked my response to the man. He didn’t even notice that I had turned the man down. His trigger finger response was anger and to suspect that something was going to happen.

Let’s break down some of this:

  1. I’m not 100% okay with looking in a partner’s phone but I’m also not 100% against it. I think if you’re looking with suspicions on your mind, you have to accept that the two of you probably won’t be together much longer. Either you’ll find something and end it, or they’ll get angry that you looked without permission and might end it. On the other hand, I think picking up a partner’s phone to check the time or to look something up with them online should not be cause for alarm. If your partner is angry about you looking at their phone at all it’s reason to be suspicious. If I can’t even look at your phone for a split second when you pick it up, what’s your issue? What are you hiding.
  2. Next thing is, PAUSE. Ladies and gents. Before you react to something you read or something you witness in person. Make sure your anger is not causing you to misunderstand. If you pause and analyze you should find reason to chill. On the other hand, if you reflect on it and find nothing to contradict your suspicions, then act on it.
  3. And if you find reason to speak on it, speak with the intent to discuss, not to attack. Any time there is an issue in a relationship, you set the stage for the environment of your connection. The way he came at me like I had done something vile and corrupt made me feel attacked, not like my partner wanted to discuss something. It’s okay to be heated, but there’s a difference between heated and attacking.

So in the end, we dated for about 3 months, and when he went off on this I realized this might be his way of approaching things with a partner. When I showed him my response, he checked himself, but it had already put me off. So I told him we had to stop seeing each other until he could get this managed, because I REFUSE TO FIX PEOPLE.

I get that we all have our issues and what not, but some issues cause real damage. Almost all issues need to be remedied by the individual.

Some of yall are saying, “Damn that was harsh. Couldn’t you have given him some time and another chance?”

Understand this: his reaction was loud and angry. He yelled at me over this. He didn’t just come to me to talk about it. He was in my face yelling and THAT’S a red flag if I ever saw one.

Then he admitted that he and his ex argued like that often and he claimed that if I wanted a relationship, I’d have to be willing to fight for it. To which I replied, “I’m not fighting my partner to keep a relationship. I’ll fight the world to protect my home, but I’m not fighting someone in my own home.”

IN THE END…

The passion was there, his commitment to community and family was there, we had a lot of similar interests, but the way we react to things was too different. He processed emotional relationship factors a lot differently than I did. And in fact, he scared me at that point.

Don’t get me wrong I’ll fight a man if he ever put his hands on me, BUT I was not willing to wait and see if this YELL FEST might turn into hands later.

Peace.

“Being a good person, a good friend a good father or mother, etc is not the same as being a good life partner.” ~Jessica “I am air” Bordelon~

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