To any “Conservative” man who wants to tell women what to do with our bodies


DISCLAIMER: What follows is harsh and potentially crude sarcasm. Be advised. You have been forewarned.

Hi Sirs,

Since you’ve decided to declare pregnancy, irregular periods, endometriosis and many other common reproductive processes “uninsurable,” oh and let’s not forget some of you have oppositions for birth control as well.

Here’s our offering. If you get to legislate how we care for our bodies, you must abide by the following guidelines:

  1. If you’re penis stops functioning during intercourse, DEAL WITH IT. It’s a pre-existing condition and we should not have to “pay” for health insurance to cover your flopsy wiggle stick.
  2. We believe all conservative men of your mentality should have your testicles snipped (as in a vasectomy). After all, if you’re telling me how to care for my ovaries, it’s only fair that I tell you what do to with yours. (By the way, those 2 droplets used to be ovaries back in the day, when you were a fetus, YOU were a female. In case you didn’t know)
  3. You should be restricted to only having intercourse during a woman’s period since you refuse to allow her to prevent pregnancy in any other option, at least her period will clean out the sperm. Of course you’ll probably almost never have sex since periods are painful and nobody wants you playing down there when all we really wanna do that time of the month is punch you in the gut.
  4. If you get a sexually transmitted infection, sorry that’s a preexisting matter and you should have done better to protect yourself. You may lose your precious appendage, but ya know… profits and all are kinda more important to our corporations.

So  in the end, snip your balls, deal with your diseased and possibly floppy appendage, and possibly never have sex again!!! Do we have a deal?

Umm… Excuse me… Sirs? Are you there?

Have we reached an agreement?  Are the terms acceptable?

Yea didn’t think so…


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