These are the reasons I’m not easy to love…

Disclaimer: I am not anti-social. This is just how I am in phases or at times. But it’s necessary part to understand about me.

We all need to start coming forward with our disclaimers more often with friends, family, and lovers.

So in the interest of setting this trend in effect, here’s mine… 

I have a complex about being tied down. Or maybe just an aversion to it. 

When I feel like I can’t move and do what I wish when I wish, I get on edge. When I choose to be with you, I’ll be all the way there. But when demands start to be made, that I’m not willing to give, I get distant. I’ll give. I give a hell of a lot. But I won’t give more than what I’m naturally willing to provide.

I either want you wrapped around me or on the other side of the room. 

I either want you talking consistently or completely silent. 

These 2 are pretty connected. When it comes to my work, business, and creativity, I spend a lot of time producing work and learning. I love when those around me are okay with me silently working and then speaking for short intervals and getting back into it.

I also like when I have physical space when I am working. This may be why I like getting out of the house to work.

Being so aware of my spirit energy means I am tuned into what it needs. When my energy is spiking, I need to be alone. When I find the source of its edginess, I’ll come back out of it. Just please give me that time to do that.

As I mentioned, I spend a lot of my time producing work related to my aspiration in those 3 areas. As a result, I am often in my own head space. When I have something on my mind related to work OR if something in my environment (home, city, nation, etc) impacts my emotional state, my spirit gets on edge and while I know when someone loves you they want to fix it… Most of the time, the best way to fix it, is to let my energy get back to center in solitude or if you are present, in silence.

I am very much an empath. And when I’m in my balanced state, being around others is no issue at all. If someone negative comes around me, I am able to put up that protective barrier for the most part and not get drug down into their space.

However, when I’m on edge for the reasons listed above, almost ALL energy types make it worse. Even the sweetest most loving person invading my energy space makes me uncomfortable.

So all that is to say this…

I know I can be difficult to love even though I’m a compassionate and fun person. But that’s because when I’m out in public my silent side is on pause. When I am outside of social spaces, I enjoy my peace and protect it when necessary.

No I am not anti-social. In fact, I make a point to connect with my circle regularly because I adore everyone connected to me.

I just know that in the past any time someone said I was “moody” or “distant” they didn’t realize that it’s a temporary phase and they will happen at times. The one thing those others didn’t get was lashing out at me about it wasn’t going to change it. They expected me to amend what I need as far as space in order to make them feel I still cared about them.

Reality is I had not stopped caring at all. But that’s how my change in mood was interpreted and no matter what I said they refused to accept THIS IS A PART OF WHO I AM.

Accept others as they are. You can’t change someone. But what you can change is how you are connected to them. If how they are isn’t a good fit for you then relocate or reshape your connection.

Peace.

Salam.

Om.

 

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