Conscious Dating and Conscious Commitment – Part 1 – To commit or not to?

About the conscious series: 

In this series we cover different people, places and things that are in a state of “redefining,” of shaking off past habits or thought processes in favor of CONSCIOUS decisions and conscious actions. 

Basically, this is a time of asking “why” instead of blindly complying. Then, choosing what works on a pragmatic level. Our goal is thriving and productivity. 

In this “episode” 

We cover “dating” and “committing.”  What’s the difference and when should we commit? 

Definitions of the past vs. Definitions of the now 

Past: “Dating” was also called courting. Two people were “dating” if they went to a place together, talked, maybe ate dinner, saw a show, and maybe had a walk. 

“Committing” meant you agreed to only “date” that one person with the intent that you’d grow toward a marriage. 

TODAY 

Dating is more like developing friendships, and notice I said PLURAL: friendships. 

Most Americans have friends of both genders and spend time with everyone on a regular basis. Most men and women have a few close friends they trust to have their back. 

How dating happens is when physical attraction, flirting and physical interactions take place, and more time is spent one-on-one with a particular person. 

Commitment” – well now THAT’S the central reason for this post. 

IN THE PAST, it was expected that all men and women would commit and get married. Ages varied over the years from 18 to 28 or so, but the overall concensus was that everyone would COMPLY and furthermore, it was ASSUMED that everyone DESIRED a partner so much that it became their sole focus until it was achieved. 

*insert squealing brake sound* 

BUT THAT’S NOT TODAY 

Today, commitment is not viewed in the same light, and I argue that it NEVER WAS a monolithic path. In other words, while the dominant image on TV and film was the dedicated pursuit of marriage ASAP, the LIVED REALITY was never that uniform. 

But people in the past were made to feel guilty if they didn’t abide by the “pattern.” 

Today we are far more vocal with our opposition and demanding that our choices for what’s healthy in our lives is PARAMOUNT. to any social expectations. 

Men and women, of all sexualities, have always had the right, but are now SOUNDING OFF more and more to say: 

“We live in a variety of ways, and our needs are not all the same. While people do gain benefits from having a supportive partner, WHEN AND HOW we partner IS OUR CHOICE.” 

20, 25, 30, 35, 45, 55, etc. 

One time, never, five times, 

Duo, Triad, Open, 

living in one home or separately 

in the same city, or not 

Temporary arrangements or permanent

It’s ALL ABOUT WHAT YOU AND YOUR PARTNER NEED. 

Yes there is a beauty and a strength in a more permanent unit,

because it’s the same as any partnership: it usually becomes stronger and more beneficial the more familiar the couple gets, but if something gets unhealthy, there’s no shame in admitting that. 

but BE MINDFUL of your choices to separate, and be considerate of how EVERYONE connected to you two will be affected. 

Next time…

conscious relationships (with or without commitment) <- click here to read

and then “conscious sex”

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