Real Life Conversation
Him: I didn’t see you more often cuz I didn’t want to send mixed signals.
Me: What was there to be mixed up about?
Him: I didn’t want you to think it was going to get romantic.
Me. LOL. Who said I wanted that any way? You kissed me, I didn’t kiss you. I was just trying to kick it with you and add you to my network of friends. I wasn’t sure what I wanted with you either.
Me: When did I say anything different?
Him: You didn’t. I just assumed that….
Me: Assumed I was like another woman you’ve dealt with before.
Check this ladies & gentlemen.
The above listed conversation really happened between myself and a man I consider a great friend and business collaborator. We work amazingly well together, and it’s obvious that any time we link up, great progress will be had. Despite this awkward conversation, our friendship is just as strong, and maybe even stronger as a result.
BUSINESS AND PLEASURE
Here’s my philosophy on business and pleasure.
#1 Don’t mix them when the connection is new.
When you and this person have not had long term sustained contact, do not flirt, kiss, or have sex. No matter how mature you think you’ll be, both men and women, gay and straight, cannot predict how anything will turn out, or what kind of way you’ll feel or won’t feel.
Be friends. Keep the distance established. Trust me on this. I’ve seen much more mayhem than benefit from the blurring of lines.
Any one who touches on or makes passes at someone that’s working with them on a project is setting themselves up for drama, and guess what Lollipop, what if he or she is NOT attracted to you and you left yourself out there to look crazy and created a distance needlessly?
That’s not what happened in the conversation I had, because I did find him attractive, I just wasn’t sure I actually wanted to date him. But some of yall do need to learn to guard your flirtation and actions better or risk exposing yourself in an unattractive light.
NOTE: I don’t think anything is wrong with dating someone you’ve worked with in the past, so long as the two of you are not working on something currently OR you’ve established a long term friendship. After you know each other a while, you should both be clear on where you stand any way.
#2 Do not assume that a man or woman you interact with is interested in you just because they enjoy working with you.
THIS is where my friend got confused, and sad to say, he wasn’t the first and probably won’t be the last to misunderstand my interaction. I genuinely enjoyed his company because we have a lot in common. That’s part of the reason we work well together.
But, I had no idea if I even wanted to consider him romantically.
Yes he is a good looking man.
But just because someone is attractive to you, does not mean you should pursue dating them.
Single, Dating, Committed or Married… you will always come across people you find attractive. That will never change. Where some single people get twisted up is as follows.
(a) the one who may or may not be aware they are determined to get attached, so they flirt and break Rule #1 time and again
(b) the one who think everyone that enjoys their time wants to date, have sex, or pursue a relationship with them.
I’m writing this with a particular goal in mind: to give advice that will boost business and collaboration so more of us can succeed and have great friendship networks.
Because maybe I’m not typical, but I have often worked alongside great men and guess what… did not desire them as a lover in any way shape or form.
I know, crazy right? (that was sarcasm by the way)
So in the interest of future partnerships and progress, fellas, I work just as well with you guys as I do with women.
If I don’t tell you I want you, then guess what Love, I do not want you. Simple.
and please let any one you are dating or married to know this as well. I am not trying to get your goods.