You have to know what you will and won’t accept

Someone asked what are the least and most attractive things in a man, to which I replied:

“I’ll get “least” out the way first

… lack of “adult-ing” skills in managing his personal and business affairs, insecurity, moodiness, and impulsivity
and the “most” – šŸ™‚ the opposite of all the above. He has his basic affairs in order (finances, home-life, basic responsibilities), secure in who he is and what he stands for, chilled out peaceful man, who thinks about outcomes before he chooses an action.

So I wanted to elucidate on these with a little more detail.

lack of “adult-ing” skills in managing his personal and business affairs vsĀ has his basic affairs in order (finances, home-life, basic responsibilities)

All adults, men and women, must by the age of 25, and at most 30, have a firmly established way of life. In other words, you should have your housing in order, savings for “just in case,” and you should be able to manage your overall finances WITHOUT help from any outside sources.
Hey -ish happens, I know. But any outside help should be temporary (as in a few months maximum) and also not needed repeatedly. You get a few passes along the way, but at some point you gotta learn from the struggles and strengthen your foundation to handle future issues better than before.

insecurity vsĀ secure in who he is and what he stands forĀ 

An insecure adult is willing to alter their central beliefs or ways of doing things because others critique it or say it’s not “in” with what their circle does. I once had a 28 year old man tell me he “sagged” his pants to a ridiculous level just because other men in his neighborhood would clown him if he didn’t.

Really bruh? A grown a** man was worried about the commentary of people who do not pay his bills, support his life, or in any other way decide his future life.

Any adult should know what’s most important to them and have an appreciation for their personal way of life. You should be willing to dress and have fun in ways that you enjoy. You should pursue the education and career that meets with your happiness.

There’s of course a need for advisers, but advisers are not the same as the criticizers I mentioned above. An adviser is someone experienced in life or in the path you are walking whom YOU SEEK OUT for guidance, and YES we all need guidance from someone who’s been where we are.

moodiness vs chilled out peaceful man

Adults should not be set off by someone being 5 minutes late or leaving a few dishes out or for not calling within a certain time frame. Anyone who does this has got some anger issues that need to be addressed.

Yes, we all have the right to vent about personal challenges. That’s not moodiness. That’s seeking solace in someone else hearing what you went through.

Also, yes, if someone does something that upsets you, YOU SHOULD make them aware so they can correct it in the future. That’s part of building a unified and supportive relationship so that everyone can get what they need from the union.

However, your tone and volume matter. Also, there are some things that are just not worthy of being complained about. All adults should have the ability to weigh an issue and determine how to properly speak on it or if they need to at all.

and finally, impulsivity vs the man who thinks about outcomes before he chooses an action

Buying ice cream or having a quickie with your partner is NOT a problem. That’s not what I mean by this.

Impulsivity becomes a problem when someone quits a job without getting another lined up or buys a $300 phone without making sure it fits into their budget. It’s also related to bailing on an appointment to get drinks or a myriad other irresponsible choices.

These are people who keep their partners on edge with the fear that they never know what will happen next, and most of the time it will lead to a struggle for the person and all they are connected to.

Meanwhile, the adult who thinks his or her choices through, simply is easier to connect with and build a life with. Even just dating them for a short time is comfortable. Having a business with them, giving them a job, etc. All of this is possible with someone who THINKS before they act.

and there it is… I think for most men and women, this is an agreed upon list for what is least and most attractive.


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