Why are you single?

Have you been asked these questions before:

“How is it possible that you are single?”

“How could someone like you be single?”

“You must be too picky, must need to drop your standards a bit, how else could a woman like you be single?”

Blah blah blah.

Fellas, I know yall hear it too, but right now, I’m focusing on women, SPECIFICALLY the women who are similar to me in lifestyle and direction.

I aint single because of my standards. I don’t seek and never have sought “perfection.” I’m nobody’s fool and I know if I aint perfect, aint nobody perfect. We all have our areas for improvement. And no matter who we date, they won’t like every thing about us, and I know I won’t like every thing about them either.

So drop that right now. It aint my standards. My standards are just where they need to be.

I aint crazy… at least not in the way that would make a man uneasy. My kinda crazy attracts men, cause I’m … silly when I need to be, ready to knock a mug out when necessary, and one of the most seductive women you will ever meet.

So now that we got all of that straight… Why am I single?

Sometimes it’s timing. Some men are ready for love when I’m not looking for it. And some men are just not ready when I am. They are where ever they are in life and if that’s not where I’m at, I sure the hell aint forcing em, begging em, and

I’m damn sure not waiting like nobody’s puppet. I’m allergic to strings *drops mic*

*picks mic back up*

But what about the men who are ready? Why do we have such a hard time making it work?

Some men who are ready for a partner flat out aren’t comfortable with the type of woman I am.

I’m the type of woman who loves others and myself EXACTLY as we are. I don’t need or want you to change who you are, and I refuse to let your opinion on how I live my life alter my path.

Let’s check it like this… I pay my bills. I buy healthy food. I don’t overspend. I could do better at building up my savings account, so I am working on that. I take damn good care of my child, I’m kick ass in my career, and I am active in my PASSIONS (poetry, activism, theater, and film)

All in all… I like and love myself.

No I do not keep a spotless house, and no I won’t.

It’s clean but not perfectly tidy, and I refuse to be a slave to having every item in a perfect place and have me, my child and any one else walking on egg shells when they enter my space afraid to move or dirty the “perfect” environment.

That’s not living. That’s serving your home, instead of having your home serve you.

So if you notice… I’m a successful, passionate, attentive woman in ALL AREAS of my life. And I am committed to my vision and any body who wants to walk this path with me, or who is willing to join my life while I continue to flow on toward my vision is more than welcome…

but HERE’S WHERE IT ALL FALLS APART….

Most men are not comfortable being attached to a woman who is as focused as I am on my passion and vision. Say what you want fellas, but a lot of yall start questioning the loyalty of a woman like me, assuming that if I don’t set aside what I’m doing to come to your side, I must not be committed.

And yes, this has happened on multiple occasions, where a man says he loves my drive, loves seeing a passionate successful woman, but THEN if I don’t switch gears and aim that drive and passion at loving on them, they got a problem with it.

Yea, they see that drive and passion as sexy but

what they really wanted was for me to put that passion ON THEM and let go of the things I’ve been working on and building.

And why?

Because women are socialized to set aside ourselves in order to take care of others. While men are socialized to pursue greatness so they can provide for the home. Baby, that’s wonderful. You should do that but here’s the thing: SO SHOULD I if I choose that path.

So Loves, THIS IS THE KEY to ecstasy in love and life…

Acceptance.

Accept your partner as they are, and if you can’t, then don’t be with them. Bottom line.

What more do you need to know than that. Get with someone that is good for you as they are and roll with it.

Cuz when you start having these extra expectations, or you enter a relationship and later expect them to change or alter their habits or direction, you ARE NOT LOVING them. You are simply trying to “possess” them and treat them like a programmable computer that should obey your wishes and needs, whether or not those expectations meet with who they are.

So understand this… LOVE does not require alteration. If you love me, you love me as I am, and you want my dreams and vision to become reality just as much as I do.

And if I love you, I return all of the same to you and yours. ❤

Peace.

Salam.

Om.

 

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