While watching Eartha Kitt’s biography & her daughter’s interview.. I wrote this because the similarities between my life and Eartha’s were uncharacteristically similar. Her childhood challenges, experiences with love, raising a phenomenal daughter, and being an artist and activist through it all.
Here are my Ramblings on Love, which I can tell Eartha would probably relate to:
How do you know if longing for something is because you want it, or because the world tells you that you’re supposed to have it? Is this desire in my heart, or is it the validation or recognition that I’m after from having this?
What would it give me that I need?
Can I exist happily without it? Yes.
But it does give me something that would strengthen me, but life has gone on just the same as always. I’ve had ups and downs, and surely even having this would have meant ups and downs, perhaps different, and not facing them alone, but nevertheless, challenges would have come just the same.
Yes. I do want this… in my spirit. But what I realize is, I want someone to love the way I love: with acceptance.
I think I had that once, when I was too young to appreciate it. I left that love over something I considered a tragedy at that time, but he never wanted to change me.
Since then, I’ve had those who either wanted me to change to their specifications, or those that had me on a pedestal and then didn’t like that I didn’t match their preconceived ideas of me.
Either way they wanted me to change something about me, and I didn’t understand why that would be a requirement, when I didn’t ask them to change. I mean, I take care of my responsibilities, I keep myself clean, I show affection based on how much affection the person prefers. I don’t burden or stress. If anything I do what I do for myself which is to create peaceful and happy surroundings, and giving understanding when frustrated, letting them have their freedom, just the way I need mine.
So yes, it’s not just the recognition of having a significant other that I want… I really do want a connection… I just don’t want to bend or evolve in order to have it. If I have to become “UNnatural” in order to have someone stay, then they are not with ME; they are with an altered version, and what’s the point of that? If I want CONNECTION, it means both of us have to be genuinely WHO WE ARE.
and furthermore, what I need is someone to STAY, as in “not run if there’s a challenge” and “not run if I can’t heal their every woe or down mood” I can’t FIX you, because you’re not broken. You are human, with all the emotions and possibility that permits. You are spirit that flows and moves, and LOVE means I allow you to flow, and you do the same for me, and we realize that the answer is not always the duty of your significant other. Matter of fact, MOST OF THE TIME your lover’s responsibility is to BE there. Not to fix you, not to be the antibiotic or cure for what ails you, but that when you suffer, they remain.
What more is there to love but this?
to accept and to remain present & peaceful