The Wedding Party Rule

The Wedding Party Rule

Reality is, a lot of us run in smaller circles than we realize. The person we dated 3 years ago, could be friends with the perfect person for us at the present. Or perhaps, you started dating someone, and when you met the friends, realized one of them was a hell of a lot more of what you need in your life. I’ve also seen someone ask one friend out, and get a “not right now” as an answer, then sleep with a friend of that person, and then come back to the original person and have the nerve to be surprised that they are not willing to date them.

Once you’ve been in one particular city long enough, you get to know just about every person who is interested in the same types of things as you, and socializes in the same environments. This means that everyone in that general area has at least heard of or interacted with each other. That can make it hard to avoid having dated 2 people who are acquainted.

So what’s the typical rule for the dating of more than one person in a social circle? I call it the “wedding party rule.” Once you have been with a person, any person that they would include in their “wedding party” as a bridesmaid or groomsmen is off limits.

Why? Cause no one wants to be standing before friends, family, and the all mighty God declaring lifetime commitment while someone just a few feet away has known their soon-to-be spouse in a similar way that they know them. Yall know what I mean. Would you want your bridesmaid or groomsmen thinking “Yea I did that.” while you’re saying “I do?”

ON THE OTHER HAND, if you have dated Person A, and then later you date Person B, but this is someone who is not close enough to them to be on the wedding party, then there should be no issue; they weren’t closely associated and should have no interference on the future of your relationship with Person B.

OF COURSE THERE ARE EXCEPTIONS. For example, if Person B has a business connection with Person A, there could be some discomfort. Also, if Person A socializes occasionally but isn’t close to your new person, and they are an ass about your past together, this could cause an issue. THE WAY TO HANDLE THE ASSHOLE is to remember that Person B gets the benefits of you permanently, and Person A is only being an asshole because they don’t have the benefits any longer. It’s a competition type of thing. Men who act like this are much more direct about it and clown the new man. Women like this are more sneaky, and will gossip and send stupid messages through the yack-yackers of your local community. You have to decide if you will fall prey to it, or rise above it.

IN GENERAL, THE WEDDING PARTY RULE STANDS. Before you make that physical connection with someone, be sure you understand, all the people they would ask to be in their wedding will be off limits.

Sadly, we can’t always predict the overlap that can occur. There may be an occasion where you dated someone and years later found someone new that was interesting, only to discover that they are best friends and you didn’t know it because that person worked a lot or was living in some other city at the time. Dramas of smaller cities moreso, but still possible in larger cities due to the habits of people to socialize within groups that overlap and share similar interests.

Love carefully and forgive yourself if you’ve blocked your access to someone great due to the wedding party rule. Someone else will be shown to you; I assure you.


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