Nice guys finish last.
Girls like bad boys.
And many believe that in order to get a woman’s attention you have to ignore her and act like you don’t like her in order to gain her affection.
Let’s break this conundrum down.
There is no specific formula to attracting a woman’s attention. I can tell you all day about how to date after you’ve got her attention. I can tell you all about what her body language means, and why she says and does the things she does, but at the beginning; getting her attention, is a little more specific to each woman.
First let’s look at the 2 clichés listed above. Nice guys finish last, and girls like bad boys. These two seemingly go hand in hand, since if girls really like bad boys more than good ones, the nice guy is going to be at a loss. Right? Things are often not what they seem from the surface.
WHAT TO DO WITH A GIRL YOU HAVE NEVER SPOKEN TO?
Let’s take a situation at a bar. (first of all, not always a great place to meet someone. You’re basically playing one of those electronic poker machines of dating, and chances of a jackpot are slim.) But, we’ll use this example for the purposes of this article.
Two men are at a bar, and both are interested in the same girl. One guy smiles from a distance and then returns to the conversation he was having with his friends. The other guy walks over, introduces himself politely, offers to buy a drink, buys the drink, and subsequently continues the conversation until finally the girl says, “Excuse me, but I need the restroom.” She leaves and disappears into the crowd, never to return. A few moments later, the first guy sees her and smiles again. He pulls a waiter over, and tells him to bring the girl any drink of her choice. She gets the drink and the waiter tells her who sent it, so she looks over to him, they share a smile, and he walks over to her. They talk, he gives her his number, and says, “Well, I’ll see you sometime.” Then he leaves with his friends, and she’s… intrigued.
Were either of these men the “bad boy?” No. They were both very polite. So why did one of them get her attention more than the other?
The one who intrigued her did 2 things right: He admired from a distance and gave her space to think about his demeanor, and he was creative with his approach.
The lesson here is, no matter the situation, always be the good guy. The key to getting a woman’s attention is to give her some space as you make your interest known. Some men will say “Well, I believe in being direct.” Fellas,
DIRECT DOES NOT MEAN YOU HAVE TO BE OVER-BEARING AND IN HER FACE.
Both of the men in this situation were direct about their interest. The difference was how they approached. She knows they are both into her, but one of them was a WISER “hunter.”
WHAT ABOUT GIRLS YOU HAVE KNOWN FOR A WHILE?
This is honestly the one that I feel most frightens men. When you have some sustained contact in any form with a woman (work, social, common hang outs, or even social media) it makes the approach more uncomfortable because if it goes wrong, it could impact the environment the two of you regularly share. This is also the situation in which more people assume that the bad boy will get her and the good guy will lose.
There is an advantage though: you know her, at least a little bit. A wise hunter in this situation observes her when he has the chance. Don’t stare at her, but take a notice of her behaviors and surroundings.
If you know her at a shared hang out, ask yourself these things: Is she into books, is she a writer, an accountant, a nurse? Is she always listening to music, does she play games on her computer, hold business meetings by skype?
If you know her at work, ask yourself these things: What does she like to eat? What does she say about men and relationships? What are her likes and dislikes? What hobbies does she speak of?
If you frequent the same social events or see each other at the homes of friends you both share, ask yourself the same things I just mentioned for the woman you work with.
If your connection is mainly, or includes social media, YOU HAVE A HUGE ADVANTAGE. Do not listen to people who say Facebook is only for entertainment. People cannot hide themselves that easily. Of course not everything that is posted is truth, BUT if you see pictures of her skiing in 2012 and 2011 in Colorado, then its safe to say she enjoys skiing every winter!!! Basically, there is a wealth of knowledge on a person’s facebook page. It’s basically a public journal of sorts, and you can learn about her without staring at her at a coffee shop.
Furthermore, the approach is easier on Facebook and other social media.
HOW TO APPROACH THE GIRL YOU ALREADY KNOW?
Make a connection over shared interests. That’s they key. For the girl you share a hangout with, you will have the most difficult task, because you share no other environment with her. Best method is to ask a question. YES, ASK A QUESTION. Do not ask her out, or if she’s seeing anyone. Ask her about something she seems interested in.
Example 1: If she’s listening to music, ask her if she knows any live music spots in the area.
Example 2: If she’s reading a science fiction novel, ask her if she doesn’t mind explaining the book to you, because you are looking for a good book to read.
Example 3: If she is sketching, ask her what she is drawing, and if she could show you a few things she has drawn.
Example 4: If she is holding a business meeting, do not interrupt the meeting, but when she is free, ask her what type of business she is in and always say “I didn’t mean to intrude, but it just sounded very interesting.”
WHAT’S THE SIMILARITY IN EACH OF THESE? Think about it…
2 Things: 1st – You showed a sincere interest in something she likes, and 2nd – you asked her to EXPLAIN something to you. This means now she will talk openly, instead of giving you a quick one word answer. Magic ain’t it! 🙂
THIS TECHNIQUE CAN ALSO BE ALTERED A LITTLE FOR THE GIRL YOU KNOW IN A WORK, SOCIAL, OR SOCIAL MEDIA SETTING, because you can still ask these types of questions and with more ease since the two of you already have a familiarity.
Ask her to explain something she is interested in: dance, live music, book, art, business, children, exercise, etc.
Most of these can lead to you asking to spend time with her: going to a dance class with her because you don’t want to go alone, same with live music, will she go book shopping with you, go to an art show with you, or go work out with you? (Chances are the business thing won’t lead to much more and the children either. Unless you both have kids close to the same age, and you want to get the kids together for an outing.)
WHAT’S NEXT? Keep the conversation going via social media and/ or phone. Once a woman is talking to you, she is at least interested somewhat. The key to maintaining it the tricky part, because this is where the over-zealous (but good intentioned man starts to trip up.)
DOES THIS ALWAYS WORK?
If she is interested in you, yes. If not, then just accept her right to have an opinion. It doesn’t change how great you are; it just means she’s not for you. So, move on to the next one.
I’LL BE BACK SOON WITH PART 2 OF WHAT TO DO AS A GOOD GUY INTO A GOOD WOMAN.